Anime Arena
by Sanjuso
Summary: Anime character versus anime character, cute fuzzy monster versus cute fuzzy monster. This is a show that pits your favorite characters up against eachother entirely for the sake of our amusement. The work of Kimi. ^_^
1. Ranma Soatome VS Lina Inverse

Disclaimer: Sadly, none of these characters belong to me, except for me (the host), my conscience. and my anti-conscience. (They're mine to abuse as I wish!) I suppose whoever these characters do belong to is really rich. I wish I was rich too, but I spend all of my money on anime and games. That said, please don't sue me, I have no money to give!  
  
  
  
1 Episode 1: Lina Inverse VS Ranma Soatome  
  
  
  
*A girl walks onto the stage, bows, taps on her mike, and begins to speak*  
  
Kimi: Hi hi, ladies and bishonen! I'm Kimi, the host of Anime Arena, (arena, arena, arena…) the show that pits anime character against anime character and cute fuzzy monster against cute fuzzy monster in a battle to the DEATH!!! OK, so it's not always to the death, only when players want it to be. (Otherwise we would get into trouble with the Cute and Fuzzy Monsters' Rights Association) Anyway, today we have a battle between–  
  
*Kimi is interrupted by a loud 'POP' as two chibi versions of Kimi (one looking very much like an angel, the other a devil) appear next to Kimi's head. The angle proceeds immediately to glomp Kimi's arm*  
  
Angle: Hey Kimi, why'd ya try 'n lock us 'n the bathroom 'gain? Huh, Kimi? Huh?  
  
*The chibi-angel Kimi continues rating in a cute hyperactive fashion while snuggling against Kimi's arm until…*  
  
Devil: May I?  
  
Kimi: Please.  
  
*The chibi-devil Kimi pulls out an extremely oversized laser from…(how about we just call it the 'Zone'?) the 'Zone' and points it at the cute little creature on Kimi's arm*  
  
Devil: DIE!!!!  
  
*There is a blinding flash of light followed by a bizarre 'whoosh' noise. When the smoke clears, in the place of the chibi-angel is a smoldering pile of ash with a halo hovering above it*  
  
Kimi: Oh well, I might as well introduce you two now… That pile of dust on the ground is, er…was…my Conscience . The little thing with the laser is my…uh…What are you, anyway?  
  
Devil: Basically, I'm your Anti-Conscience.  
  
Kimi: How about I just call you AC?  
  
Devil: Hn.  
  
Kimi: All right then…I guess we should probably get back to the actual show.  
  
Anti-Conscience: Probably.  
  
*Kimi glares at her anti-conscience, then looks over at where her conscience (somehow magically restored to its former cuteness) is struggling to hold up some very oversized cue-cards*  
  
Kimi: Today we have a battle over the sake of pride between Lina Inverse and Ranma Soatome.  
  
Anti-Conscience: It apparently started when Ranma got the last piece of cheesecake at the Roadhouse Café…or maybe when Lina threw that Fireball at Ranma…or that time when–  
  
*The little devil is silenced by Kimi's glare, which promises a slow and extremely painful death*  
  
Kimi: *Ahem* Right now, my conscience is outside Lina's dressing room. She's going to find out, firsthand, what really happened to start this bitter feud.  
  
*A huge TV screen lowers out of the ceiling and turns on, showing Kimi's conscience floating in front of a door covered with scorch marks*  
  
Conscience: Oooosh! Mesa here at Miss Lina's door. ^_^ Now mesa gonna knock and ask nice lady question for your amusement! Kay kay?  
  
*The little angel turns around, knocks on the door, and a chunk of charred wood falls on her head*  
  
Conscience: Ouchies ooooo! x_x  
  
*She makes a cute little puffy mad face but knocks on the door once more, this time harder. Suddenly, a loud crash is heard from inside the room*  
  
Conscience: Hallooo?  
  
*The door swings open, and Gourry runs through the door, a Fireball (literally) hot on his tail*  
  
Gourry: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!  
  
*Gourry manages to get out of the path of Lina's spell, which is now flying straight at Kimi's conscience*  
  
Conscience: Help meeeeeeeeeeee!!! O_O  
  
*The Fireball makes contact, and the last shot before the picture dissolves into static is of an incinerated angel lying on the floor *  
  
Kimi (looking up at the vid screen): Eh? Looks like we're not gonna get that interview after all…I guess we'll just have to go straight to the fight. Anyone got a problem with that? *Looks around* OK, let's go to the–  
  
Anti-Conscience: Wait…the camel has a problem!  
  
*Kimi follows her anti-conscience's frantic pointing to where a camel, sitting in the audience, is waving around its head trying to get some attention*  
  
Kimi: You have permission to shoot the camel.  
  
Anti-Conscience: YES!  
  
*Kimi's anti-conscience pulls a bazooka out of…the 'Zone'…aims it, and fires. Seconds later there is a small, smoking crater where the camel had been siting. Kimi's conscience (restored once more) holds up an 'Ooooooo' sign and the audience complies*  
  
Audience: Oooooooooo, aaaaaaaaaaah.  
  
Kimi: Um…Okay then! Now, let's go to the arena, where our referee, Mr. Referee, (who did you think it would be?) will explain the rules of today's match.  
  
*The vid screen turns on once again, this time showing Mr. Referee from Medabots standing in a huge dome-shaped room*  
  
Mr. Referee: It's me, Mr. Referee, the referee! The rules of this game are simple: the first one knocked unconscious is the loser; no exiting the dome until the match is over; and last but not least, you break it, you bought it. (We don't have a big enough budget to cover damages…then again, I really don't think anyone has enough money to fix that type of damage) Now, let's bring in the challengers!  
  
*A large hole opens up behind Mr. Referee and a platform raises up out of it. Standing on the platform are Ranma and Lina, both of which are too absorbed in glaring at each other to notice the sudden change in setting*  
  
Mr. Referee: *Ahem!*  
  
*Neither of them takes any notice of the referee*  
  
Mr. Referee: Er…excuse me, but you've kind of got a match to fight. Would you please come down here?  
  
*Still no response*  
  
Mr. Referee: Okay then, fine! *pulls a medawatch out of his pocket* I didn't want to do this…Well, actually I did. Summon Referee-bot!  
  
*A flash of light shoots out of the medawatch and forms into a rather odd looking black and white medabot. Mr. Referee grabs the metal out of his medawatch and puts it into the medabot's back*  
  
Mr. Referee: Go Referee-bot!!!! Use your special attack!!!!  
  
*Referee-bot lurches forward, jumps, and comes crashing down on Ranma with a giant fan, causing Ranma to fall off the platform*  
  
Ranma: Ow! Watch it, old man!  
  
*Lina follows Ranma off the platform and starts dancing triumphantly*  
  
Lina: Ha! I win the staring contest!  
  
Ranma: That was interference! Besides, who cares about getting beaten by an un-cute girl like you?  
  
Lina: What did you say?!  
  
Ranma: You're a short, un-cute, femininely challenged, tiny little pipsqueak of a girl!  
  
Lina: Let's settle this, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!!!  
  
Ranma: FINE WITH ME!!!  
  
Mr. Referee: *shrugs* Okay then…I assume that both of you know the rules?  
  
*Both Ranma and Lina nod, neither of them breaking eye contact*  
  
Mr. Referee: I should inform you that since Lina can use magic, but Ranma can't, Lina is getting a handicap. During this match, Lina will not be able to use any of her more…dangerous…spells. (In other words, nothing more powerful than a Fireball) Now, are both of you ready to fight?  
  
*The two nod once again*  
  
Mr. Referee: Alright then. If you'll excuse me, I'll be leaving now.  
  
Ranma: What? You're leaving?  
  
Mr. Referee: Well…yes! My insurance doesn't cover accidents involving lasers, mecha, or magic, so I'll be leaving Referee-bot here to supervise.  
  
Referee-bot: You're going to leave me here with them?!  
  
Lina (muttering): I'm going to ignore that…  
  
Mr. Referee: Yes, I'm leaving you here. Goodbye.  
  
*Mr. Referee does a back flip onto the platform, which lowers back down, the hole closing after it*  
  
Referee-bot: Well then…let's get started, shall we?  
  
Ranma: Fine, let's just get this over with.  
  
*Back over with Kimi, who is watching the exchange on the vid screen with her Genma, Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, Soun, Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadis*  
  
Anti-Conscience: Alright, the betting office is closed. Who wants popcorn?  
  
Conscience: Oooooosa! Popsy-corn, yums! Mesa wants some!  
  
Anti-Conscience: That'll be twelve dollars.  
  
Conscience: Ish? That too muches…  
  
Anti-Conscience: Fine then! No popcorn for you!  
  
Genma (yelling into Kimi's mike): Ranma, you better win this!!!  
  
Kimi: Hey, that's mine! Give it back you fuzzy old panda!!!  
  
Amelia (grabbing the mike from Genma): You must win this battle, Miss Lina, for the sake of justice!  
  
Zelgadis: Why am I even here?  
  
Nabiki: Now really, one would think you would be used to this type of thing. You are friends with that witch, Lina Inverse.  
  
Kasumi: That's not a very nice thing to say, Nabiki.  
  
Nabiki: So?  
  
Soun: Hey, little floating devil thing! I'll have a popcorn!  
  
Gourry: I'll take four!!  
  
Kimi: Oi…  
  
*Back to the arena (and some semblance of sanity)*  
  
Lina: I think I'll start this off with a bang! FIREBALL!!  
  
*Lina shoots an abnormally large Fireball straight at Ranma's head*  
  
Ranma: Too slow!  
  
*Ranma dodges swiftly to the left and the Fireball goes right by him. It hits a wall, and smoke floods through the room. The fire alarm goes off, causing the sprinklers to go on, and Ranma to…*  
  
Ranma (in a voice quite a bit higher than before): Oh *beep*!!!  
  
Lina (watching Ranma between fits of laughter): This is priceless! Now I'm fighting a girl!!!  
  
Ranma: Grrrr! Time to finish this!!!  
  
*Ranma, taking advantage of Lina's fit of hysterical laughter, makes a super-human jump (complete with several fancy yet completely pointless flips and spins) and lands neatly behind Lina, grabbing her in a bear hug*  
  
Ranma (squeezing Lina as hard as s/he can…which is pretty darn hard): I've got you now!! …Wow, Gourry was right…you are flat!!  
  
Lina: THAT'S IT!!! DIGGER BOLT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*A small bolt of lightning shoots out of Lina's hand and into Ranma, who goes limp and falls on the floor*  
  
Ranma: Ow…what was that?  
  
Lina: The beginning of the end, and here comes the rest of it! FLARE ARROW!!!  
  
*Lina performs a motion as if she were holding a bow and arrow, then releases, sending a fire arrow point blank at Ranma's head*  
  
Referee-bot (coming out from behind his rock): We have a winner!!  
  
*Part of the wall opens up and Kimi walks into the smoke-filled arena, followed closely by Genma and Mr. Referee*  
  
Kimi: Congratulations, Lina! You just won the match, and earned yourself an Anime Arena 'Medal of Honor'.  
  
*Mr. Referee hands Lina a shiny gold medal along with a slip of paper*  
  
Lina: What's this?  
  
*Lina looks at the piece of paper and her eyes bulge slightly*  
  
Kimi: Anime Arena rule number three: "You break it, you bought it." You will, of course, pay for the repairs of that hole in the wall, along with the dressing room you trashed, and the repairs to the fire system.  
  
*Lina stares blankly at the host for a moment, then faints*  
  
Kimi: Er…Genma, would you mind taking care of them?  
  
*Genma grabs the two bedraggled, soggy, and comatose anime characters and drags them out of the building, muttering something about shaming the Soatome school of marital arts*  
  
Kimi: Well, that completes the first episode of Anime Arena! Hope to see you next time. Bye bye!!  
  
Conscience: So Miss Lina did win 'cause Ranma is a big fatty moron?  
  
Kimi: Yep.  
  
Anti-Conscience: Don't forget to review this fic! Or you can email Kimi to make suggestions on who should be in the next episode! (Please no flames!) 


	2. Battle of the Fuzzies

Disclaimer: Once again, I must remind you that I don't own these character…except for the ones that are obviously mine…  
  
  
  
Episode 2: Battle of the Fuzzies  
  
  
  
Anti-Conscience: Welcome back to another episode of the show that brings you pages of bad humor and poorly matched fights, otherwise known as Anime Arena (echo).  
  
Kimi: Now really, AC, I don't think they'd be reading this if it was that bad…  
  
Anti-Conscience: Somehow I think they wouldn't know any better.  
  
Kimi: Stop insulting the readers!!!  
  
Anti-Conscience: You think that's an insult? This is an insult: All of you readers are *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*!!! Hey, I got 'beeped'…no fair!  
  
Kimi: NOOOOO! Our ratings just dropped three whole points!!!  
  
Anti-Conscience: You mean they weren't at zero in the first place?  
  
*Kimi and her anti-conscience continue to argue for several minutes before Kimi's conscience appears with a 'POP', looks at the two bickering hosts, and decides to take over*  
  
Conscience: Todays on Anime Arena (echo), wesas haves a special episode: Battle of the Fuzzies. Wesas 'll be 'aving a tournamament 'tween cute 'n fuzzy monster creatures from different animeses. Since its is a tournamament, its 'll takes longer than mostses battles…so letsus go 'traight to the 'rena. Okiday?  
  
*The wonderfully convenient giant TV screen lowers out of the ceiling and turns on, showing Mr. Referee knee-high in a mass of cute little balls of fluff*  
  
Mr. Referee: As you can see, I'm here with the contestants…but I can't seem to get them to do anything. Hey Kimi, could you give me some help?  
  
*There is a loud 'POP', and Kimi's anti-conscience appears, flame-thrower in hand*  
  
Anti-Conscience: All right, all of you are going to line up in a very straight line. Anyone who doesn't comply gets barbecued. Understand?  
  
*There was a mad scramble as the twenty-some cute things try to get into what they considered a 'straight line' (it is, in fact, not anywhere near straight). None of them so much as twitches until Kimi's anti-conscience disappears back to from whence she came with another distinct 'POP'*  
  
Mr. Referee: Okay, since this is a tournament, the fights will be taking place in a ring rather than the full arena. Also, there is a new set of rules: first one unconscious loses; no leaving the ring once the match has begun, (if you do, you lose); no tickling (I know how these guys just love doing cute stuff like that); you break it, you buy it; and, of course, no trainers allowed (yes, they actually have to think for themselves for once). Here's the setup:  
  
Pikachu VS Veemon  
  
Squirtle VS Guilmon  
  
Charmander VS Moochi  
  
Bulbasaur VS Suezo  
  
Totodile VS Ryo-ohki  
  
Cindiquil VS Ken-ohki  
  
Chikorita VS Lovestar  
  
Mokona VS Pterri  
  
ChuChu VS Getalong  
  
Agumon VS Poogie  
  
The winners of each of these rounds will proceed to the next round. First up, will Pikachu and Veemon step into the ring?  
  
Veemon: What ring?  
  
Pikachu: Pika pi! (translation: That one!)  
  
*Pikachu points a chubby yellow paw at where a boxing ring has just risen out of the floor*  
  
Veemon: Oh…  
  
*Both the yellow rodent and the blue…thing…step into the ring*  
  
Veemon: Now what?  
  
Pikachu: Chuu!! (translation: We fight!!)  
  
Veemon: Oh, OK then.  
  
*Veemon just stands there with a blank look on his face, making no attempt to follow the electric rodent's instructions*  
  
Mr. Referee: Um…you can fight now…  
  
Veemon: Shouldn't there be a bell or something? I mean…this is a boxing ring…  
  
Pikachu: Pika pikachu? (translation: Maybe we should humor him?)  
  
Mr. Referee: Fine then…Kimi?  
  
*Kimi's conscience appears, right on cue and, of course, with a 'POP'. She pulls a rather large gong out of the 'Zone', then scrunches up her face in a cute little expression as she makes an attempt at thinking. She quickly gives up, however, and just hits the gong with her head. Her job done, she disappears*  
  
*Pikachu starts to use a Thundershock, but Veemon gets the rodent first with a Vee Headbutt, knocking the Pokémon right out of the ring*  
  
Mr. Referee: Since Pikachu has left the ring, Veemon wins the match!!  
  
Veemon: Who's the mon?  
  
*Ash appears out of nowhere, apparently seeking vengeance for his fallen comrade*  
  
Ash: I'll teach you for beating up on mice!! *starts throttling Veemon*  
  
*The rest of the first round continued very much like this. (Well, not the Ash seeking vengeance part…just the pathetically easy battles…mostly because I don't wanna spend time writing out every single one) Squirtle swamped Guilmon with a Hydro Pump. Charmander literally wiped the floor with Moochi (turns out Charmander's a bit of a neat freak…). Suezo licked Bulbasaur's *beep*(that one's most deffinately not in a literal sense). Ryo-ohki turned into her pink-mecha-bunny form…but accidentally stepped on Totodile, ending the match rather quickly. Cindiquil incinerated Ken-ohki. Chikorita danced its way into the next round by using a Petal Dance on Lovestar. Pterri won against Mokona with a pickup line, followed by a drop from twenty feet up. Getalong fainted, so ChuChu won by default. And, finally, Pooky beat Agumon by turning into a large rock and falling from a respectable height onto Agumon's head (which is actually a rather large target). Now onto the second round!*  
  
Mr. Referee: Now onto the second round! (Didn't I just say that? Oh well…) The matchings will be as follows:  
  
Squirtle VS Veemon  
  
Charmander VS Suezo  
  
Cindiquil VS Ryo-ohki  
  
Chikorita VS Pterri  
  
ChuChu VS Poogie  
  
*Squirtle and Veemon step into the ring…*  
  
*Since I don't even want to bother with the second round, I'll just tell you the winners. Better yet, I'll have Mr. Referee tell you. Aren't I lazy?*  
  
Mr. Referee: We have only five contestants left, so we're moving on to the final round. For this round, Veemon, Charmander, Ryo-ohki, Chikorita, and Poogie will all fight each other at once. Last one standing wins. Is that clear?  
  
*All five of them nod and step into the ring*  
  
Mr. Referee: Ready…Fight!!  
  
*Right off the bat, Ryo-ohki transforms into her mecha form, knocking Chikorita out of the ring. Charmander Flame-throwers Veemon, who gets blasted out of the ring too. Charmander's Flame-thrower, however, also melts mecha-Ryo-ohki's leg, welding the joints together. Ryo-ohki trips and falls on Charmander, and both of them are rendered unconscious. All this time, the little yellow blob with big googly eyes known as Poogie never even moves*  
  
Mr. Referee: And the winner is…POOGIE!!  
  
Poogie (staring blankly): …  
  
Mr. Referee: Congratulations, you have won the tittle of Supreme Cute 'n Fuzzy Monster! Do you have anything you want to say?  
  
Poogie: …  
  
Mr. Referee: Anything at all you want to say? Maybe to a friend of yours?  
  
Poogie: …  
  
Mr. Referee: Oh, I give up…Where did this thing come from, anyway?  
  
Kimi (walking in): I dunno, I found him in the alley out back.  
  
Mr. Referee: Does anyone know where he came from?  
  
*Both of them look around expectantly, but no one answers, not even Poogie*  
  
Kimi: Soooo. What do you think we should do with 'im? Hey! Where'd he go?  
  
*They look around for the little yellow creature, then, noticing the door is open, Kimi runs to have a look outside. She finds Poogie just outside the door, and with him is a strange looking girl with green hair, wings, and extremely large ears*  
  
Girl: Oh, there you are Poogie! Did you find any BEM monsters?  
  
Poogie: Poogie poogie…  
  
Girl: Alright then, let's keep looking.  
  
*Suddenly a purple-haired boy runs up to the girl*  
  
Boy: There you are Lime! I spotted one over by the supermarket!  
  
Girl: Good job Bass! Come on!  
  
*The girl puts Poogie on her shoulder then flies off, the boy trying in vain to keep up with her, all the while yelling at her not to fly because its too conspicuous*  
  
Mr. Referee: That was pretty weird.  
  
*Kimi nods*  
  
Mr. Referee: Maybe we should end the show now?  
  
*Kimi nods again*  
  
Mr. Referee: …Are you alive?  
  
*Kimi continues nodding, then falls over and goes into convulsions*  
  
Mr. Referee: Okay…Hopefully we can get her back to normal by the next episode! Until then, keep reviewing and keep making suggestions!! See ya!  
  
  
  
  
  
Just incase your not as obsessed as I am and don't know who some of these creatures are:  
  
Pikachu, Squirtle, Charmander, Bulbasaur, Totodile, Cindiquil, and Chikorita are all from Pokémon  
  
Agumon, Veemon, and Guilmon are from Digimon  
  
Moochi and Suezo are from Monster Rancher  
  
Pterri and Getalong are from Flint the Time Detective  
  
Ryo-ohki and Ken-ohki are from Tenchi (Muyo/Universe/in Tokyo/other)  
  
Mokona is from Rayearth  
  
ChuChu is from Revolutionary Girl Utena  
  
Lovestar is from Mon Colle Knights  
  
Poogie is from Jewel BEM Hunter Lime 


	3. Champions of Justice

Disclaimer: Mr. Referee, Largo, Dom, Ed, Gohan/'The Great Saiya-man', Amelia (Wil Tesla Seyruun), and Usagi/Serena/Sailor Moon don't belong to me. Don't worry, I'll return them when I'm done…Let's just hope they won't be scarred for life…Oh well! Please don't sue me! ^_^  
  
  
  
Episode 3: Champions of Justice  
  
*Kimi pulls a remote out of her pocket and the giant (and astoundingly convenient) TV lowers out of the ceiling. She presses a few buttons and it turns on. After flipping channels for a minute, she turns on the news*  
  
News Lady: …And, in other news, there has been a recent string of kidnappings. *Pictures of Amelia, Gohan and Usagi are shown* The kidnapper has not yet been identified, but police have made a composite sketch from eyewitness accounts. *A sketch that looks oddly similar to Kimi's conscience flashes onto the screen* If you see this chibi, please notify police immediately. *Someone hands the news lady a piece of paper* …There has been another kidnapping! The fourth victim of this serial kidnapper is Largo from MegaTokyo…  
  
*Just then there is a loud 'POP', and Kimi's conscience appears, dragging a comatose Largo*  
  
Conscience: Hi hi, Kimi! Mesas gots Largo-sama here for you, just likes yusas asked!!  
  
Kimi: Thanks! Just put him over in the corner. You really should be more careful, the kidnappings are on the news.  
  
Conscience: Okiday! Mesa go finds more peoplez to kidnaps?  
  
Kimi: No, I think this will be enough. Would you mind waking up Great Teacher Largo?  
  
Conscience: Iiish!!!  
  
*Kimi's conscience pulls a bucket of ice cold water (complete with several ice cubes shaped like small monkeys…don't ask) and dumps it on Largo's head*  
  
Largo (spluttering): Ack! What the? Where am I?  
  
Kimi: Great Teacher Largo! Welcome to Anime Arena (echo)!!!  
  
Largo: OK…Why am I here?  
  
Anti-Conscience: J00R H3R3 2 734CH U5 7H3 M34N!NG OF L337. (Translation: My friend, you are to present in order to show us the meaning of l33t)  
  
Kimi: And to help me beat Resident Evil!!  
  
Largo: Dude! Bring on the zomb!es!  
  
*The scene changes to a dark cell somewhere within the catacombs that lay beneath the arena (if I want catacombs, I can have catacombs!)*  
  
Gohan: Anyone know where the *beep* we are?  
  
Amelia: Judging by the fact that you just got 'beeped', this is either a show or a fanfic written by someone who wants to keep their PG rating.  
  
Gohan: Oh that's sooooo helpful.  
  
Usagi: Okay then, mister smart *beep*, do you have a suggestion on how to get out of here?  
  
Gohan: Well…I could blow the whole place up, but you two would probably be crushed to death.  
  
Amelia: Wonderful.  
  
Anti-Conscience (appearing out of the darkness): Actually, you couldn't blow any of this up. These walls are constructed entirely of Ultra- Gundanium, a metal that not even a saiya-jin could break through.  
  
Gohan: WHAT?!  
  
*Meanwhile, back with Kimi*  
  
Kimi: Ack!! I died again!! How the heck are you supposed to control the character from a stationary viewpoint?! It's insanity!!!!  
  
Largo: Too control the character, joo must be one with the character. L34rn this and joo shall reign supreme. By the way, joo got any non-l33t computers around here? 'Cause I'd be perfectly willing to…  
  
Kimi: Nope, afraid my l33t-obsessed conscience already got to all the computers within a five-block radius of here.  
  
Conscience: Y35H!!! (Translation: That is correct)  
  
*Just then, Kimi's anti-conscience 'POP's in*  
  
Anti-Conscience: The prisoners are secure! Ne, Kimi? How long do I get to keep those three down there?  
  
Kimi: Well…All three of them are hero-types, so it should be awhile before they hate each other enough to fight fellow good guys. I'd give it an hour tops.  
  
Anti-Conscience: Awww. Are you sure I can't play with them for any longer than that? *makes a cute little pouty face*  
  
Kimi: Fine, you can have two hours. Just make sure none of them try and kill each other…yet.  
  
Anti-Conscience: Yeah!!! Let's see…what should I do with them first? I could try out that laser cannon I've been saving for a rainy day, or there's that large rabid monkey that's been hanging around in the basement, or maybe…  
  
*Kimi's anti-conscience disappeared with a 'POP', still contemplating on how she should torture her 'guests'*  
  
Largo: I need some beer. Got any b33r?  
  
Kimi: Um…I'm under the drinking age…why don't you go ask Mr. Referee?  
  
Largo: PH34R MY LACK OF B33R!!! *Largo goes off to find Mr. Referee…and some beer*  
  
*Two hours later:*  
  
*Kimi's anti-conscience 'POP's in, looking rather disgruntled*  
  
Anti-Conscience: Uh, Kimi…Gohan's started foaming at the mouth and chewing on the bars of the cell…  
  
Conscience: J00 5H0UL| 5/\/\4C| H1M \/\/!7H |\/|A RUBB3R C|-|!C|3N!!!! D4+Z W4T 4LW4Y5 \^/0R|5 4 ^^3. (Translation: Perhaps a rubber chicken would rectify the situation) *Pulls out a rubber chicken and hands it to Kimi's anti-conscience*  
  
Anti-Conscience: Uh…thanks… Hey Kimi?  
  
Kimi: Ah! It came back to life!!! DIE!!!! Did you say something, AC?  
  
Anti-Conscience: Gohan's gone insane…wouldn't it be the perfect time to start the match? ^_^  
  
Kimi: *BEEP*, I'm out of bullets! Huh? Oh, sure, whatever…D!3 J00 Z0/\/\B!3 5CUM!!!!!!!  
  
Conscience: Y35H!! 5h3 !5 /\/0\^/ 4 5[4\/3 2 7|-|3 L337!!! (Translation: She has been converted to the l33t side!)  
  
Largo: S\//33T. (Translation: A glorious triumph!)  
  
Anti-Conscience: I think I'll take that as a yes…Let's go down to the arena, where our three captives–er…contestants are waiting to fight.  
  
*Another conveniently placed giant TV screen lowers down several feet in front of the one Kimi is currently using to shoot zombies. It turns on, showing Mr. Referee with two girls standing behind him: one with very long blond hair in two pigtail-like…things and wearing an odd sailor-type outfit (she seems to be twitching spasmodically), the other a young girl with short purple-black hair (who appears just short of chipper). Kimi's conscience 'POP's in, dragging an extremely disgruntled-looking Gohan in a straightjacket*  
  
Mr. Referee: Today we have three contestants, Amelia, Sailor Moon, and The Great Saiya-man, who'll be battling over the tittle of 'Defender of Justice' simply for our entertainment. And, to give them some extra incentive, we locked them all in a cell together for two hours earlier today. (After all, no one could take being locked in the same room as Amelia for more than a few minutes with losing some sanity) *Looks over at the three heroes* I trust you know the rules? *Amelia nods happily, Usagi just twitches, and Gohan continues slobbering on himself* I'll take that as a yes… All right then, FIGHT!!!  
  
*Mr. Referee runs and hides behind a large rock as Kimi's anti-conscience releases Gohan (from a safe distance, of course), who then lunges straight at the deranged Sailor Scout who is standing only a few feet away. Meanwhile, Amelia starts one of her oh-so-annoying speeches*  
  
Amelia (striking a valiant pose from atop a boulder): I, Amelia Wil Tesla Seyruun, will not be beaten! The light of my justice will shine through your evil!!! By the Light of Purity I possess, I bid thee be gone to the nexus of our two worlds!  
  
*Amelia unleashes a Megido Flare. Though it has no effect whatsoever on Gohan, it does cause Usagi to fall over in a dead faint*  
  
Gohan (turning towards the strange flash of light…and Amelia): Now you DIE!!!!!!  
  
Amelia: Eh? It didn't work? Uh…What should I use? What should I use? *Gohan is all but charging at the young girl* I know! Everlasting flame of blue, let the power hidden in my soul be called forth from the Infinite!  
  
*Just as Gohan leaps at her, Amelia unleashes a Ra Tilt, which smothers the entire arena in an insanely huge explosion (talk about overkill)*  
  
Amelia: Did I…beat him?  
  
Gohan (staggering out of the smoke): Nope.  
  
Amelia (stuttering): Wha? How could…but I…and then...boom…and you…  
  
*Gohan walks calmly up to the confused princess, stops a step or two away, and points at her forehead. Suddenly, a strange light starts to build at the tip of his outstretched finger*  
  
Gohan: If you don't shut the *beep* up, I swear that I will blow your brains out.  
  
*Amelia falls over in a dead faint*  
  
Gohan: Good choice.  
  
Mr. Referee: (coming out from behind his rock, and looking rather singed): The winner is the Great Saiya-man! You are now the official 'Defender of Justice'. Congratulations! You will cover the damages to the arena, right?  
  
*Gohan looks around at the arena (which was almost completely destroyed by Amelia's last spell) and sweat-drops*  
  
Gohan: Er…You can charge that to the Capsule Corp. I'm sure Bulma won't mind…too much.  
  
*Back with Kimi…*  
  
*Kimi is still franticly shooting zombies, and Largo is still drinking beer while conversing in l33t with the chibi-angel that's sitting on his head*  
  
Kimi: How long can this game be? Hey! I gust got a grenade launcher! Boojah! (that's pronounced boo-yeah, and I actually said when I got to that part of the game…)  
  
*Suddenly there is an explosion, leaving a father large hole in the wall. Through it walk two men with very large guns*  
  
Largo: Jo! Dom, Ed, where've joo been?  
  
Ed (into a mike): Mission successful. We're heading back to Tokyo.  
  
Dom: Come on Largo, let's go.  
  
Largo: Aww, but they have b33r h3r3…  
  
Ed: We're leaving now, whether you come of not.  
  
Largo: Fine…  
  
*The two strangers exit back through the smoking hole in the wall, Largo trailing behind them*  
  
  
  
By the way, if you don't know who Dom, Ed, or Largo are, you've been missing out. For the love of all that is good, check out MegaTokyo.com. Seriously, the only person I've ever known not to like it was my mom. But then again, she's just weird.  
  
REVIEW!!!! PLEASE!!!! I BEG OF THEE!!!! Okay, maybe not, but I would appreciate it. Or, if you like, you could make a suggestion for the next battle. I dunno…  
  
Oh, and would like to point out the fact that I made a mistake in the first ep. It's not Digger Bolt, it's Digu Volt. Oh well. 


	4. Most Annoying Losers Award

Kimi: Hi hi!! It's Kimi, back to torture all you Anime Arena fans once again!  
  
*Kimi's conscience and Anti-Conscience 'pop' in, and the little angle dives straight at Kimi*  
  
Kimi (diving under a conveniently located table): Aaaaaaaaaah!  
  
*Kimi's conscience swerves under the table and hits Kimi full-throttle, knocking the wind out of her*  
  
Conscience (snuggling against the wheezing girl's arm): Mesas glomp Kimi!  
  
Kimi (after taking a few moments to recover and pulling the chibi off of her arm): If you ever 'glomp' me again, I'll sick AC after you!  
  
*Kimi's anti-conscience smirks at her counterpart, who hides behind Kimi and starts clinging to her arm*  
  
Kimi: Besides, is glomp even a real word?  
  
Conscience: Mesas finds out! *'Pop's away*  
  
Anti-Conscience (sighing in exasperation): It doesn't matter if it's a word or not, let's just get on with the fanfiction!  
  
Kimi: I dunno.I'm kind of curious as to what's she's up to.  
  
Anti-Conscience (glaring at Kimi): Ever hear the expression, "Curiosity killed the cat?"  
  
Kimi (returning the glare with a very Heero-like death glare of her own): You're the one who killed him! Or did you forget already?  
  
Anti-Conscience: Heh heh.  
  
Conscience ('Pop'ing in once more, this time with an extraordinarily large dictionary): Hmm.*flipping through the pages* . a. aardvark. aback. abacus. abaft. abalone. abandon. abandoned. abase. abash. abate. abattoir.  
  
Kimi: Um.maybe you should start with the 'G's?  
  
Conscience: Wuz da fun in dat? ^_^ Abduct. abeam. abed. Abel. aberration. abet. abeyance. abhor. abhorrent.  
  
*The little chibi-angel continues on like this. Kimi and her anti- conscience stare at her for several minutes before finally coming to their senses*  
  
Anti-Conscience: Can I.hurt her?  
  
Kimi: Normally I would say yes, but I want to see if this will actually help her, uh. limited. vocabulary.  
  
Anti-Conscience: I doubt it.  
  
Conscience: . account. accountable. accountant. accounting.  
  
Kimi: Seem to be a lot of words you can 'account' on.  
  
*Canned laughter is heard*  
  
Anti-Conscience: Was that.a pun?!  
  
Kimi: Forgive me!! I repent!!!! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!! *runs off screaming*  
  
Anti-Conscience: That was odd and extremely out of character. Do you think something's wrong with Kimi?  
  
Conscience: Yesh!!! Acumen. acupuncture. acute. acute accent. acyclovir. ad. AD. adage. adagio. adamant. Adam's apple. adapt. adaptable. add. addend. addendum. adder. addict.addition.additional. additive. addle. address. addressee. adduce. adenine.  
  
Anti-Conscience: Are you ever going to shut up?  
  
Conscience: Nopes!!! Adverb. adversarial. adversary. adverse.  
  
Anti-Conscience (rolling her eyes): Right. *turns toward the audience* Anyway, today we're going to be having the Ginyu Force and the 1st season Power Rangers (if you have a complaint about them not being anime characters, you can discuss it with my flame-thrower) fight it out for the title of most annoying losers on the face of the Earth. Unfortunately, the Ginyu Force is currently residing in the Home for Infinite Losers (where they belong), which poses a bit of a problem. So, to rectify the situation, I shot the Power Rangers, who have now joined the Ginyu Force in the Home for Infinite Losers (where they, too, belong). I guess that means we have to change the title to 'Most Annoying Losers in the Home for Infinite Losers'... no matter. Let's just go to the fight!  
  
*The all-purpose (cultural) TV (nuku nuku!) comes down and turns on, and Kimi's anti-conscience goes off to search for Kimi. Meanwhile, in the Home for Infinite Losers.*  
  
Red Ranger: Um, guys? Where are we?  
  
Yellow Ranger: I don't know, but maybe standing in heroic poses and saying some heroic lines would help!  
  
*The rangers begin posing. Anyone within a reasonable distance of them (er.within sight of them) runs screaming in fear and unimaginable pain. This goes on for some time until a guy in a bad rubber suit appears along with a blast of astoundingly bad special effects.*  
  
Red Ranger: Oh no! It's *Insert Stupid Bad Guy Name Here*!!!!  
  
Blue Ranger: But we don't have our stunt doubles! Or a guy in a mecha suit and a bunch of tiny buildings! What are we to do?!  
  
Pink Ranger: ...Why don't we just beat him up?  
  
All: ...  
  
Red Ranger: LET'S DO IT!  
  
*All of the rangers charge at *Insert Stupid Bad Guy Name Here* with many completely pointless flips and somersaults, then proceed to beat the shit out of...it. While this is continuing (seen only as a dust cloud complete with the occasional colorful bodypart/mangled piece of monster costume) the Ginyu Force drops out of the sky.*  
  
Jace: Who're these losers?  
  
Berta: I have no idea. Wanna go bowling?  
  
Guldo: But... I want to kill them!  
  
Berta: Um... I'm pretty sure they're already dead. That would be why they're here.  
  
Guldo: Oh. Are you sure?  
  
Berta: Yes.  
  
Guldo: Well...can I at least cause them a great deal of pain?  
  
Berta: Sure.  
  
Guldo: WHOHOO!  
  
*Guldo fires an energy beam at the dust cloud that consist of the Power Rangers as well as the completely random evil minion that they're currently pound into oblivion. Of course, now all that's left is a smoking crater...*  
  
Guldo: Um, boss, didn't you say they couldn't die?  
  
Berta (sweatdropping): You...must have heard me wrong...I guess... Well, let's go bowling!  
  
*Ginyu force flies off to a conveniently located bowling alley, and the screen shuts off and slides back up*  
  
Anti-Conscience: Well that was anticlimactic. Anyway, despite the Power Rangers having been wiped off of the plane of existence, we still have to come up with a decision. May I have the envelope please?  
  
Conscience: Naw yets!  
  
Anti-Conscience: Why?  
  
Conscience: I needs ta finish!  
  
Anti-Conscience: Is it absolutely positively necessary?  
  
Conscience: Um...Yesh?  
  
Anti-Conscience: THAN GET ON WITH IT YOU NEANDERTHAL!  
  
Conscience: Kay! Zenith... zephyr... zero... zest... zigzag... zinc... zip code... zipper... zirconium... zodiac... zone... zoo... zoological... zoology! Mesas all dones now!  
  
Anti-Conscience: Weren't you looking for glomp?  
  
Conscience (GIR voice): Oooooh yeeeeaaaaah...  
  
Anti-Conscience: Did you find it?  
  
Conscience (grinning insanely): NOPES!  
  
Anti-Conscience: ...  
  
Conscience: ^_^  
  
Anti-Conscience: ...  
  
Conscience: ^_^  
  
Anti-Conscience: Give me the firking envelope.  
  
Conscience (pulling out a badly worn envelope that looks like it's been buried at least one point in its existence): YIPPERS!  
  
Anti-Conscience (taking the envelope): You know I gave this to you thirty seconds ago, right?  
  
Conscience: Yesh!  
  
Anti-Conscience: And you've been right here this entire time, right?  
  
Conscience: Yesh!  
  
Anti-Conscience: THAN HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO DESTROY IT IN THIRTY SECONDS WITHOUT MOVING FROM THAT SPOT?!  
  
Conscience: Um.a ripsh in the space-times continimum?  
  
Anti-Conscience: That's it, I'm never asking her anything ever again. *rips open the envelope* And the winner for Most Annoying Losers in the Home for Infinite Losers iiiis *drum roll* the Power Rangers! By being so wussy as to die after they were already dead, they managed to secure this honor! Unfortunately (and DON'T quote me on that), they no longer exist, so they can't receive this pretty trophy I made for them. *pulls out an enormous solid gold statue of a guy riding on a giant slug* As such, I've decided to donate to a worthy cause: my very own mecha! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!  
  
*Kimi runs in wielding something that looks suspiciously like Mace-sama*  
  
Kimi (running around in circles and hitting seemingly random spots on the floor): I'll get you yet Kametachi!!!!  
  
Anti-Conscience: I'd hate to interrupt this Kodak moment, but what in nine hells are you doing?  
  
Kimi: I'm hunting Kametachi. Isn't it obvious?  
  
Anti-Conscience: Kame-whaty?  
  
Kimi: Kametachi, the invisible weasel.  
  
Anti-Conscience: Oh. Tell ya what. I'm going to go over there and pretend that made sense.  
  
Conscience (pointing excitedly at an empty spot on the wall): I sees it, I sees it!  
  
*Kimi runs over and whacks the wall, causing massive damage*  
  
Anti-Conscience: Oi, Kimi! While I'm asking pointless questions...What was up with the pun earlier?  
  
Kimi (still glancing suspiciously around the room): Oh, that...  
  
Anti-Conscience: Yeah, that.  
  
Kimi: Sorry about that. I *whack* was *whack* just being influenced by *whack whack CRUNCH!* having seen to many badly dubbed anime. Don't worry, I'm back to *THWACK!* normal now.  
  
Anti-Conscience (rolls eyes): Right... Well, that's it for this episode of anime arena! If there's another chapter, avoid it at all costs. Consider yourself warned.  
Sorry about this taking so long (is there an actual award for understatement of the year? 'Cus I really think I should get it for that. ^_^;), but it seems that even thinking about the Power Rangers brings down the curse of Writer's Block upon thee... Not a particularly helpful thing when one is trying to write a story. Hitomi told me (repetitively) that renting Shinesman might help...but I didn't. Oh well... 


End file.
